Cowboys and Aliens (2011)

What a boring pile of crap!

I love the Bourne movies. All 3 are among my favorites. I never had any doubt about this movie because it stars Jeremy Renner a perfectly capable and awesome actor.

But Aaron Cross is no Jason Bourne. First off they ripped out of the pages of the Limitless script and gave Renner's character serious limitations without special super pills. This works in this film because it gives a absolutely different character and not just another Bourne. But he's basically just a fiend looking for his next hit.His motivations are much different. That said the story in this movie was not as good as the previous three films. We get a bunch of shots of the bad guys sitting in their super all knowing computer room yelling out orders like douche bags(couldn't come up with anything else?). Edward Norton's character could have been played my many actors. He's just an asshole, that's it. But I assume he's going to do more in the next film. This movie basically is the Bourne Identity in that is it setting up the next film, so lets just assume Rachel Weisz will get killed off quickly.

The action was few and far between. You know those awesome hand to hand combat scenes in the previous films? none here. The ending you think you will get it but it ends up being anti climactic.

It may seem like I didn't like this movie. I did. But I didn't love it. It would rank last in the series for me(at least going off one watch)

What I really liked:
-Renner.Dude is just awesome. His character does have one up on Bourne, a sense of humor.
-Rachel Weisz is good in this movie. I really dug her and I hope she sticks around. Oh and chick is stunning as can be in glasses.
-The beginning before shit hits the fan.
-Aaron Cross.
-New Version of Extreme Ways..still the best movie song ever.
-The wolves.

What I didn't like:
-Story wasn't all that great.
-Not much action.
-Too much screen time on idiots in a room trying to find Cross.
-The casting of Edward Norton. Pointless. Give him something to do. He's a great actor for christ sakes(albeit overrated )

also I think it could set up for a really high intense action movie next go around..so there's that.

Saw The Bourne Legacy.

The movie itself seems like a bunch of semi-random action scenes thrown together. The actual story/plot kind of gets lost in the action/chase sequences, and thus the movie suffers.

Still, I do agree that it does seem to set up a second Bourne trilogy featuring Renner's Aaron Cross.

To be perfectly honest, the movie franchise doesn't really hold a candle to the series of books it's based on, moreso than your typical Hollywood book-to-movie translation.

The Expendables


You know what.. I can let a lot of stupid stuff go in a movie but sometimes something strikes me as so stupid and it bugs me that I can't let it go.

There is a scene early on in this movie. It's Sly sitting down in a chair to get his tattoo finished, or maybe it was just one letter..not sure... Micky's character is the artist..he doesn't sit down..he just crouches over a bit and starts tattooing,meanwhile sly is moving around like a gorilla jacking himself off, 3 seconds later someone comes into the shop and he stops... and he's done... what?

no tattoo artist freehands a tattoo while standing up while his client moves around like he has parkinsons and finishes it in 10 seconds.

It was this scene I realized this movie didn't give a fuck.

I am fairly sure that one night Sly was sitting in his bathroom taking a shit and pulled some toilet paper off the role, grabbed a crayon, and scribbled this script down.

The script was crap. The first acts were garbage. The final act was cool just by the amount of shit going on and the violence of it(Clearly a Sly directed film, ala newest Rambo) and I enjoyed watching Stone Cold beat Sly's ass.

The movie isn't good. It's entertaining to a point. My favorite part was Jason Statham taking on like 6 guys on a basketball court. For one because I love scenes like that but also because it was the only fight scene not in the fucking dark!!!

Grade:C

Well supposedly they're attempting to get both Renner AND Damon for the next one.

This movie got roasted by critics but I dug it. I think I have a soft spot for romantic movies where the leads are a bit odd and weird. I root for their happiness or something. Plus I dug the two leads chemistry and Emma Roberts as always is hard not to fall for in a role like this.

Colombiana

Man, the first 20-30 minutes of this was the best with a young girl witnessing her parents' murder, then running from the baddies parkour-style with lots of stunts and was just good and intense. Then it fast-forwards however many years and becomes about the young girl all grown up as a working assassin trying to track down her parents' killers. It's basically an ad for how hot Zoe Saldana is and while she is really really hot, it's nowhere near as compelling as the first half hour is. It's worth a watch, but it's nothing too spectacular.



Conan the Barbarian (The new one)

And oddly, again, the best part of this was the first half hour or so detailing Conan's birth (which was admittedly silly) and childhood (which was completely bad-ass with Ron Perlman as his father and lots of fighting). Once Jason Momota takes over as grown-up Conan, it kind of struggles along. I'll admit I was genuinely surprised at the content, figuring it would be rather blood and gore-less and no nudity when there were copious amounts of the blood, guts and breasts, but it wasn't enough to make it that memorable, even with the entertaining cast (Stephen Lang! Rose McGowan! Bob Sapp!). Also, the girl whom Conan falls in love reaches new levels of stupidity (After a strangely out of place love scene, she wakes up and goes for a stroll in the woods, knowing full well this evil lord and his army are looking for her) and irritatingness (She does not seem to stop screaming for the last 15-20 minutes, over and over). Momota is big and menacing, but not particularly memorable. Though I did enjoy when he walked past the girl and went "You look like a harlot!" which is basically the middle ages equivalent of a drunken frat guy telling some girl she looks like a slut. Odd, odd film.

The Dictator (Unrated Edition) - not funny, just not funny at all.

I'm going to have to check this out, I'm a huge Emma Roberts fan.

Also, have you seen "It's Kind of a Funny Story"? It sounds pretty similar and I thought it was very good. Not a huge Galafanakis fan but he was good in it, along with Emma and the male lead who's name is escaping me.