Rest in Peace Chris ~ I'll never forget you, my friend.
Jennifer Lawrence 2. Olivia Munn 3. Hayley Williams 4. Sasha Grey 5. Sara Jean Underwood 6. Gemma Arterton 7. Shawn Johnson 8. Maryse Ouellet 9. Katy Perry 10. Chloe Bennet 11. Carrie Keagan 12. Kate Upton 13. Alex Daddario 14. Emma Watson 15. Avril Lavigne
Cody and Edge had great chemistry together - it's a shame they didn't do anything big together while Edge was physically able to. I loved that Edge didn't even punch Cody, which I'm sure he could do, because it made Ted actually attacking Cody mean something. Plus, Ted was awesome with the bag reveal. I really liked seeing the IC Champion start the show, and put that program in a prominent position on the show.
Danielson-Hunicara was a pretty good match aside from the fucking commentary. Cole murdered the match AGAIN, this time, by focusing on everything Booker. The finish sucked - Hunicara's strikes in the tree of woe looked God-awful. These things were Baba-level. Baseball slide dropkick looked good though. Enjoyed the real Sin Cara coming out - so much more physical charisma, and Cole was great asking Booker who the real one was while Booker just tried to fuck with him the whole time, leading to Booker cracking himself up after the Sin Cara deal.
Enjoyed Trish walking in on something nearly identical to her thing with HHH a decade ago, and then reuniting with Christian in the Edge thing backstage. Loved Trish marking out for THE INTERNET CHAMPION, who according to Cole was scared after being humbled by Mark Henry. Seems like a valid concern, actually.
Gabriel/Sheamus-Barrett/Christian sure seemed like a random tag match, but was a pretty good one. Loved Booker referencing Big Bubba Rogers. I hope they actually do something with Gabriel, because otherwise, having Barrett lose to him means nothing for him and will only hurt Barrett. LOLed at the TOO MANY LIMES sign shown after the match.
Khali-Slater...happened. Loved how wacky Heath sold the head chop from Khali. HHH-Punk-Nash vid didn't do a thing to make me want to see the PPV match AND of all things to keep in, they kept in the THIS IS PHIL BROOKS TALKING TO PAUL LEVESQUE bit. Ugh.
Loved Miz and Truth's rap, even if it did further Awesome Truth being a comedy act. Cole pissed me off burying Bret - it's one thing to bring up the fashion, but the grey hair? Come on now - that's just a low blow.
Now THAT's how you go home for a PPV, and THAT's how you set up a championship match. Edge threw a perfect pitch and they just knocked it out of the park. Loved the opening with Edge, and then behind him are signs of Hogan, who he referenced in his promo, and Savage. Mark cut the promo of his career here, and its a shame they'll go with a safer route these next few months, because World Champ Mark Henry fighting off all big challengers (Sheamus, returning Kane and Big Show) only to be unseated by little underdog Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania would make for a hell of a fucking story.
Loved Edge saying the segment was over so they could brawl and Henry could just kill dudes before laying waste to Orton. Of course, that's what they've done before to show that Orton will retain, but they kind of can't have Henry lose here. If he does, then they've killed his character as a main event act unless they try to get one more PPV out of it, or have a rematch on TV and give it to Henry.
Mega Powers Edge-splode!
TOO MANY LIMES!
He's a bag man, doing bag things...
Click to reveal..
Roberts - PLEASE WELCOME BACK ONE OF THE GREATEST SUPERSTARS IN THE WWE, TORONTO’S OWN RATED R SUPERSTAR - EDGE! Cole - If he wrestled one more match, he could have been paralyzed or worse, BUT FORTUNATELY, HIS CAREER ENDED! Edge - Damn I miss that! Ya know, if this is only a one-time occurrence, it feels so good to stand in a WWE ring again. It feels even better TO BE BACK IN MY HOMETOWN! TORONTO! Since I was forced to retire, I’ve done some cool things - got to shoot a TV show and it’s been fun. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss the hell out of this. Ya know, I miss getting in here and having a wrestling match - 20 minutes, having competition, and I miss the friendships. I miss that when I walk in a room, my pyro and music doesn’t go off. That doesn’t happen in real life, which sucks. And most of all, and please don’t puke because it’s cheesy, I miss you guys. Crowd - Thank you, Edge. Edge - Later, I’m here to host the Cutting Edge. And my guests will be Mark Henry and Randy Orton. I know ‘em both well, so I’ll ask them the tough questions. Right now…(Cody comes out) Booker - GAWD! Cody - Let me give credit where it is due, I was sure that you were going to come out here to pontificate on your appearance on the SyFy series Haven, which airs after SD - what an opportunity for the ultimate opportunist, and you didn’t take it. It sounds to me like you’re sucking up to these people. I thought you were above that. Maybe not. Maybe you’re just like all of these blank and hopeless faces in need of paper bags… Edge - MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT MASKS AND BLAMING EVERYONE BUT YOURSELF. MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING YOURSELF AND STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE. LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Even though it’s disfigured. Cody - it sounds like you’re a little bitter. Let’s examine that - why would you be bitter? The last time I saw you, you were triumphant at WM and walked out the WHC while I WALLOWED IN TRAGEDY AT MY BLEMISHED EXTERIOR. BUT, AND THERE’S ALWAYS A BUT, I WENT ON TO BECOME THE IC CHAMPION. I WENT ON TO DISPOSE OF TED DIBIASE AND LAST MONDAY, IN THE MAIN EVENT OF RAW, I DEFEATED THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, RANDY ORTON. WHO’S THE TRIUMPHANT NOW!? And I guess that would make you the tragedy. Crowd - SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! Cody - I know you won’t take that and place it on your head - I want you to take it home. I want you to place it on your mantle in your home office as a reminder of what SD has become. The new home of the new face of SD - the IC Champion, Cody Rhodes! Edge - Thanks for the offer, but if you’re the new face of SD, then the show needs a paper bag more than I do. Cody -T HAT DOESN’T MEAKE SENSE! Edge - You’re right, and it also doesn’t make sense how someone as charismatic as Dusty sired you. And to be honest, since I’m sure you’ll keep talking, I’m going to leave, and then I’ll fall asleep right here. Cody - CUT THAT MUSIC! I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU! I’M THE IC CHAMPION! HEY! YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ME! NONE OF YOU PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN ME! Ya know what? I am going to enhance all your lives right now starting with you. YOU NEED A PAPER BAG! YOU MOST LIKELY NEED 2! YOU NEED A BAG! YOU ESPECIALLY! Booker - That wasn’t an ambush. Cole - HOW WASN’T IT!? HE HAD A PAPER BAG ON HIS HEAD! Cole - IF HHH LOSES AT NoC, IT’LL MEAN A NEW COO - AND THAT’S A HUGE THING FOR YOUNGER STARTS LIKE DANIEL BRYAN AND SIN CARA! Cole - RAW IS A SUPERSHOW EACH WEEK. Josh - You can almost feel the changing here in WWE. Booker - HIP BONE CONNECTED TO THA LEG BONE! Cole - WHAT!? Booker - Sin Cara’s like totally a man on a mission - HIP BONE CONNECTED TO THE LEG BONE! Cole - Well, it used to be. Booker - Look at the eyes on Sin Cara. Cole - HOW!? THEY’RE COVERED BY A MASK! Next thing you’ll say is the expression on his face tells the story. We need to just have J.R. out here so we can have two guys who can’t talk. Booker - I like J.R. Cole - BECAUSE HE BOUGHT YOU A DRINK ONE TIME, AND THEN HE TALKED BEHIND YOUR BACK FOR AN HOUR! Cole - Daniel Bryan is dominating - HE MUST’VE HAD SOME STEAK BEFORE. GET IT!? CUZ HE’S A VEGAN! Cole - Booker, you said you can read their expressions through the mask, who’s the real one? Booker - THAT ONE! Cole - WHICH ONE!? Booker - THAT ONE! Teddy - Woo woo woo - don’t blow it. Aksana - In my country, I have responsibility to give man who works hard big massage. Would you like massage? Teddy - Well… maybe a quick one. Aksana - Just relax. So tight. Let me see your lower back. Teddy, you’re really tight. Trish - Hi! Teddy - Trish! Listen, it’s not what you think. Trish - It never is. I thought you had something tight back there. Teddy -T his is really awkward. Trish - Sure is. Josh - THE SELF-PROFESSED GEEK GODDESS, AJ! Cole - Geek goddess? WHEW! Booker - Beth can push 225 pounds. COLE, YOU CAN’T EVEN DO THAT! Booker - Beth wo-man handles AJ! Cole - WHAT!? Booker - WO-MAN HANDLED! Cole - YOU’RE NOT EVEN SAYING IT RIGHT! Beth - This Sunday, Kelly, the clock will strike midnight, because you and all the other Cinderellas in WWE will have a very unhappy ending to your fairy tale! Christian - What’s going on? Trish, nice to see you when you’ve got something to sell. Good seeing you! Edge - We’ve missed calls… Christian - Maybe you made me lose my concentration, but you were just telling the truth. Just bring it here. So good to see you… Since tonight is a big deal, hosting the Cutting Edge, maybe you can slide into Teddy’s office and tell him I deserve ONE MORE MATCH for the WHC. You know I deserve it. AT WM, YOUR LAST MATCH, I WAS IN YOUR CORNER - I HAD YOUR BACK! COME ON! Edge - You’re giving me a headache - I didn’t wanna say this - you’re acting like a little bi… Christian - SEE YOU AROUND SOMETIME! Ryder - Edge, no contact between Randy and Henry, TELL ‘EM! Trish - WAS THAT THE INTERNET CHAMPION!? Cole - I guess Zack hasn’t gotten over Mark Henry humbling him last week. Cole - Barrett was a bare knuckle champion throughout Europe. Once was the king of Eastern England. Josh - BIG SIDESLAM! Booker - BIG BUBBA ROGERS BABY! Booker - Barrett’s a former PUGALIST! Cole - WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU!? Cole - I can’t wait to be on your dotcom show WHAT THA!? Josh, you have a dotcom show? Josh - Barrett, working on the back. Cole - Apparently, Khali’s had enough of Mahal’s blackmail. Booker - This is a big test for the OMRB - he might wanna start yodeling. Cole - He might be singing TAKE ME HOME, COUNTRY ROADS AFTER THIS! Booker - That CCR? Cole - NO, JOHN DENVER! Miz - TORONTO, SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTHS AND LISTEN TO TRUTH’S NEW REMIX! Truth - CANADA, YOU SUCK! IT’S THE TRUTH! Truth - HE’S THE MIZ, I’M TRUTH - WE’RE AWESOME TRUTH! Truth - YOU SUCK! Miz - YOU SUCK! Cole - I SMELL A GRAMMY! GRAMMY, SLAMMY, ACADEMY AWARD! AND ON SUNDAY, THE TAG TTILES! Cole - Scraggly grey hair, looks homeless - Bret Hart. Edge - You know, earlier, Cody came out and said I was pandering to be out here in a WWE ring and be out here in front of you. But what ole Phantom fo the Opera doesn’t realize is how important Toronto is to me. I sat 11th row ringside at WM VI and saw the Ultimate Warrior beat Hogan for his WWE Title. It’s where I WON MY FIRST TITLE HERE IN WWE, THE IC TITLE. I know how important championships are in WWE - how they should be revered. That’s why I’m excited to have the following guests here, first, the challenger, the world’s strongest man, Mark Henry. Booker - MARK HENRY IS A MAN ON A MISSION! Edge - And his opponent…the world champion, Randy Orton! Edge - Randy, it’s a good thing there’s no physical contact between you two tonight. Mark’s been tearing through everyone in WWE - he doesn’t even look human, man. He’s done things to you that no human has ever done. The question I’m gonna ask is simple - do you honestly think you can beat him? Orton - He’s demolished a lot of people - Kane and Big Show included. He’s the WSM for a good reason. The only time, Mark, you decide to get physical with me is after I’ve had a match. So you haven’t proven anything to me, and maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe you’re here to make a statement, or the reason you’ve never won the big one! MAYBE YOU KNOW THAT YOUR VERY BEST ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! The question is do I think I could honestly ever beat him? No, I don’t think I can beat you - I KNOW I CAN! Edge - Ya know what, Mark? I hate to say it, nah, I don’t - what he’s saying is the truth. Let’s look at it - your career has been disappointing. I told you I’d call it straight down the middle - let’s face it. I started here in ‘98 and you were already a veteran here. With someone as big as you, you’ve never won the WWE Title, the WHC. How is that possible? You should be one of the most decorated champions of all time. Some people might say it’s because of fluke losses, injuries at bad times, or maybe you don’t have the desire. Let’s face it - when you wanna go to the next level, when you wanna stand here Orton is now, it’s a new level, and maybe you aren’t good enough to get there. Henry - Edge, let’s get this crystal clear - the only reason I’m gonna let you walk outta this ring on your own power is because you’re right. 15 years I’ve seen men smaller than me become champion. Men weaker than me become champion. I’ve seen Orton become champion over and over again. What they tell me is Mark, go out there and SMILE! SHOW DAT PERSONALITY! Randy, lemme tell ya something. I’M DONE SMILING! I’M DONE SHOWING PERSONALITY! I’M HERE TO DESTROY AND I’M HERE TO TAKE WHAT YOU GOT! 15 YEARS, I’VE COME OUT HERE TO SHOW WHAT I CAN DO AND IT DIDN’T WORK! 15 YEARS IT’S TAKEN ME TO GET HERE, AND COME SUNDAY, I WILL BE THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Orton - I’ve got news for you - our match will be symbolic of your career. You might come close, but in the end, you’ll be the same as you’ve always been - 400 pound, 15 years, and the world’s strongest failure! Edge - OOOOKAY. This is the part of the show where I remind you that Teddy said that during the Cutting Edge, there’s no physical contact. Remember that part? This is also the part of the show where I tell you that the Cutting Edge is over. Teddy - That’s enough, Mark. Henry - YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Booker - SOMEBODY, CALL THE PO-LICE!
Drew vs. Ryder from SuperStars was another really good match this week. Drew looks like such a star during his heat section and has so many neat ways to work over a FIP, let's them sprinkle in hope spots here and there before cutting them off again in cool ways. I loved his middle rope neckbreaker and curb stomp in particular. Ryders finisher blows, but it's cool to see such an over midcard act. Drew deserves better.
After my Crush appreciation post last week, I have decided to make it a weekly thing. . . So this week is my
Rick Rude Appreciation post
"Ravishing" Rick Rude was a massive favourite of mine. I’m 70% sure my Mam and Dad thought the road to homosexuality was a path I was destined to go down when they saw me drawing pictures of the Ravishing One in my jotter. But thankfully (not that there’s anything wrong with that) I turned out ‘all right’ in the end, and the only thing I was wanking over when Rick Rude was on TV was the time he bruised Francine’s arse with those legendary slaps of his. I wasn’t even one of those smart arses as a kid who loved the heels. I remember cheering Beefcake against Mr. Perfect and liking Andre because he punched Bobby Heenan and threw Haku out of those little ring carts at WrestleMania VI. I was mostly pro babyface as a young lad, as I‘m sure most of us were. Even when Randy Savage was a heel, I hated him. But Rick Rude was a different story altogether. He was funny. He seemed to do everything with a grim. For me, he was straight out of a Blackadder sketch. He seemed to be having a laugh in there as well, as those interviews before his matches showed.
He was a legendary hardcase was well. Well known for giving good hidings out to those who fancied there chances. A good story is when he was a bouncer and he turned up with a seperated shoulder. Legend has it, he ended up slapping one bloke so hard he knocked him clean out. Another tail on Rude's hardman status, was a story where Rude was in a bar with some of the other lads while injured and had his right arm incapicitated in a sling. Some tosser decided he'd get shirty with Rude - I forget why, argument about a girl, just generally an arsehole - given that with his arm in that state, it would be an easy fight and he could say "I beat up a WWF wrestler." So Rude knocks the cunt out with a single left-handed slap.
He had a fairly eventful career before he turned up in the WWF. He held a few titles up and down the territories in battles over who had the superior facial hair with Billy Jack Haynes. But the story that I most fondly remember hearing about the pre-WWF Rick Rude, was that he had a valet who was his legit girlfriend at the time. Jim Neidhart says everyone fancied her, so at the television tapings as a practical joke which I believe Jeremy Beadle wishes he’d thought of, Rude used to take her into the next room and shag her as the other lads had a look through the door. Rude never took the cigarette out of his mouth as he was smashing her either, which adds to his Ultimate Male status.
Rude’s next destination was obviously the World Wrestling Federation, where he became a house hold name and immortalised in pop culture in video games and figures and Youtube comments which usually go along the lines of “thumbs up if Cena’s a faggot and Rick Rude is better :)” and “Justin Beiber would do Rude’s theme song if he was in WWE now lol”. The winner of the first and only ever Jesse The Body Award, Rude had some famous feuds. Jake Roberts were one of the first. Lead to the ring by Bobby The Brain Heenan, Rude would usually bring women into the ring and land one on their lips as Heenan provided live commentary on whether her knickers were a light soaking or whether it was slightly matted. So when Rick tried his luck with the wife of everyones favourite Snake handler, it fuelled a red hot feud which lead to some hot angles such as Cheryl Roberts face adorning our man’s spandex and the time Jake pulled off the very same trunks leading us to believe Rude had his cock out in front of the young crowd. Times were simpler back then.
Being in the WWF gave you many a perks. He had the Hasbro which you needed if you were a name. Admittedly, you could do fuck all with it. You couldnt brawl because the arms were so shit. It was great for giving someone the Rude Awakening. Unless it was his most famous opponent, the Warrior, because his massive plastic hair wouldnt fit in.
He was in one of the first WWF wrestlers to be put into a Nintendo game as well. Not only did the game have a brilliant midi-file version of Rude's theme, but it was also the debut of his short hair. Many months before he got his hair cut short in real life. Maybe the game gave him the idea. Maybe he was so dedicated to his craft he decided to update his look as to sell more units. Or maybe the game was so shit it couldnt get his curly perm. Whatever the case Rude was always a favourite on it.
He was also on the cover of the most mental magazine cover ever. Even I wouldnt have bought a wrestling magazine with the words "Who's the Sexiest Wrestler" on the cover. And what the fucks Hogan doing on it? Mind you for £1.50, I probably would have.
When Rude and the Warrior became feuding, that was also the first feud I remember as a child. Looking at the matches now is incredible, because Warrior really does nothing. At least in the matches with Savage, Warrior knows enough to follow instruction and to do his rehearsed spots. In the absolutely brilliant SummerSlam '89 match, Rude sells EVERYTHING from a punch to an atomic drop to belt shots to the Gorilla Press like the Warrior is smacking him with a breeze block. I think everyone from the people who worked there at the time admits Rude was on a crusade to carry the Warrior. There’s carrying someone like when Goldberg was champion in the early days, where you give him 6 minutes and do some spots that will lift the faces. And then there’s carrying someone like Rude does here. He wrestles him for 16 minutes and makes the next big thing in the WWF look every inch the megastar that he was touted of becoming. Rude also had a match with him at SummerSlam '90 as well, and again made Warrior look like the Champion he was. Rude later said of Warrior “He is the most intense person I have ever met. His only weakness was that he was so intense that he would tire quickly.” Before the cage match he cut a brilliant interview based on the Rocky movies, since they were in the Philadelphia Spectrum, stating after the bout they would build a statue of Rude next to Rocky. As Heenan said “and afterwards Warrior there wont be anything left of you. There wont be any sequels either. No Rocky II, III or IV”, as Rude piped in “And there AINT GONNA BE … no rematch.”
As Rick's contribution to the WWF title pictured declined, his flashy tights just got better. Here's the Rude's Blood and their opponents for the night on the tights, which has to be up there with the best outfit ever. Eight people on the one pair of spandex!
After the SummerSlam '90 match, Rude set up a feud with the Big Boss Man, which would have been up there with Rock vs. Cena for me if they locked horse on a WWF PPV. Both were on top of their game in 1990, but it wasn’t to be. As Rude left the promotion. About 8 or 9 months later Rick resurfaced in WCW. With Madusa by his side more often that not, during a period when Madusa would have kindly got a sore throat, Rude continued how he left off in the WWF, with his hilarious routine of sending the crowd up before he wrestled and wearing the flashy tights. He won numerous titles, including the NWA World / WCW International title and the United States belt.
Being a top wrestler during the boom period meant our Rick got his shit in at the gimmick table. Turning up in WCW's so-so Superbrawl game for the SNES:
On top of that, he was WCW's main man in print form, in there abysmal WCW comic book from Marvel. He looks good though doesnt he?
But his best moment in the Atlanta promotion was definitely the 1992 War Games match at WrestleWar '92. It was the greatest match of all-time. The Dangerous Alliance could have went on for years with the players they had in the group, and this match was there crowning moment. Rude shone like a beacon, bumping around the double ring before Larry had to spoil it (fucking Larry!) by smacking our Bobby Eaton with the metal part of the turnbuckle.
A back injured suffered during a match with Sting done him. That was pretty much it as far as his in ring career went, but his days as an onscreen personality and draw weren’t over yet. He played the negotiating game with the WWF for a good 18 months from 1994 onward. Everyone thinking he was set to return. He was even backstage at WrestleMania 12 and gave WWF online a internet chat, telling people to look out for him. The next time he’d turn up would be in his old pal Paul E’s promotion ECW as a commentator and everyones favourite shit stirrer under a Luchador mask. He was quite brilliant in ECW as it happens. Using the words “pussy”, “shithead” and “fuck you” with that voice made him put Shane Douglas’ sweary hardman act to shame. We saw the unmasking of The Ravishing One at ECW’s First PPV when he and Brian Lee gave the Triple Threat a pasting.
His inevitable return to the WWF finally came in the Summer of 1997. His role was uncertain at the time, stating he was an “insurance policy” for someone in the WWF, who had the money to hire him.
As the weeks went by, it all became clear as he linked arms with Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Chyna to form D-Generation X. Shawn Michaels, as possibly the only man who was more smutty than Rude, fitted in well with The Ravishing One.
At One Night Only Rude was one of the instigators in several hundred bottles of larger being launched at the ring as he constantly kept beating on Davey Boy Smith behind the ref’s back in Bulldogs’ “horm toon” of Birmingham. Especially frustrating for the fans in the arena was when Bulldog was inches from the ropes in the figure four and Rude belted him with a right to the chin stopping that idea in its tracks. Rude was involved in a top storyline, which WWF ended up regretting when WCW found out he was working on a deal memo and WWF were in the process of finalising a proper contract. After Montreal went down, Rude felt the decision to fuck over the WWF was easier to do when WCW (who Rude had a lawsuit in process against) came to a financial agreement for him to return to the promotion on a very large deal. He came out on a famous night to the surprise of everyone in the business, be it fan, journo, promoter and wrestler. He then cut a great promo on Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels, Sting, Bret Hart and WCW. And then … Nothing.
Here he is with his only piece of merch:
WCW had him as Curt Hennig’s manager and interference runner for the next year and Rude hardly spoke or did anything. Like about 50 other members of the roster, he was lost in a sea of talent with a promotion not knowing what to do with him. Rude made a decision to make his return to active competition and began training hard for his comeback. Unfortunately, he was found dead in April 1999. Pretty shocking stuff. Especially as a cold hearted young lad around this time, when I’d heard a wrestler had died, my only reaction was “HAHA John Studd’s dead. Brilliant”.
He's still with us in the form was product placement. You will see his shirts on WWE.com, you'll see his figures in your local toy shop and you can hit young wrestlers with the Ruke Awakening on you Xbox 360, if you so wish, so its good to see he's not been swept under the carpet. People still remember him and like him, so hopefully a Hall of Fame induction will happen one day.
Its always interesting to wonder how he’d have got on. How would Russo have handled Rick in 1999? Would he have returned to the WWF? Would he be in TNA now with the Global title? How many divas would have been on his dick, if he’d have turned up during the Invasion angle? Would he still have the tash? Shame we’ll never get to find out. What we do know is that he’s was something to watch and he still holds up today.
He came out on a famous night to the surprise of everyone in the business, be it fan, journo, promoter and wrestler. He then cut a great promo on Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels, Sting, Bret Hart and WCW.