Ned: "Boys, get the alcohol-free alcohol!"

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's Tavern... Hold on, I'll check. (aloud) Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and... I like to kiss my own butt.

Homer: Barney's movie had heart but Football In The Groin had a football in the groin.

Grandpa Simpson: "But your name is my legacy to you. I got it from my father, and he got it from his father, and he traded a mule for it, and that mule went on to save spring break."

Homer: "You don't snuggle with max power. You strap in and feel the G's."
Marge: "Oh! Lord!"

Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.

Duffman: Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!

Duffman: New feelings brewing in Duffman.....What..would Jesus do?

I thought it was cheese for years, just watched it again and it was definitely G's.

Tomacco Episode
Homer: "If only there was some magic potion that would make those crops grow. Wait a minute."
Homer calls Lenny at the Plant
Lenny: "Plutonium! Gee Homer isn't that kinda risky? ... Yea, I guess you're right, it's not."
Lenny mailing Homer's Package
Carl: "Hey Lenny, you sending some out-going mail?"
Lenny: "You know it."
Carl: "I'll probably send some tomorrow."
Lenny: "I hear that."
Lenny and Carl slap five.

Kirk: "Can I borrow a feeling? Take my hand with your glove of loooooove!"

Carl: "Hey Homer, what wacky name do you want?"
Homer: "Are Poo and Ass taken?"
Carl: "Yeah."
Homer: "Damn! Can my life get any worse!?"