Good one Matt!
And I have never seen a lightbulb evolve.
More:
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.
Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?
A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.
Q: What did the Buddha say when the hot dog vendor asked him if he had change?
A: Change must come from within.
Why YHWH never got a PhD
-----------------------
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Taoism[censored] happens.
BuddhismIf [censored] happens, it's not really [censored].
IslamIf [censored] happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism[censored] happens because you don't work hard enough.
JudaismWhy does this [censored] always happen to us?
HinduismThis [censored] happened before.
Catholicism[censored] happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna[censored] happens rama rama.
T.V. EvangelismSend more [censored].
AtheismNo [censored].
Jehova's WitnessKnock knock, [censored] happens.
HedonismThere's nothing like a good [censored] happening.
Christian Science[censored] happens in your mind.
AgnosticismMaybe [censored] happens, maybe it doesn't.
RastafarianismLet's smoke this [censored].
ExistentialismWhat is [censored] anyway?
StoicismThis [censored] doesn't bother me.
Poor blind Herbie
Poor little Herbie. Since his birth, poor blind Herbie had never seen the light of day. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day would be a very special one. If he prayed extra hard to Jesus, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.
Eagerly, Herbie crouched down on his knees beside his bed and put his hands together. For hours, he prayed and prayed to Jesus.
The next morning Herbie's mother came into his room and gently woke him from his sleep.
"Well Herbie, open your eyes and you'll know that Jesus answered your prayers."
Little Herbie slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I STILL CAN'T SEE!"
"I know, dear," said his mother. "APRIL FOOL!"
Jesus' dad
Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-- you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?
"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."
"Tears sprang from Jesus' eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"
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