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Topic Options
#2653237 - 05/30/10 08:32 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Crux Australis]
Galactic Prime Offline
Going Greene with Ashley

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 10293
Originally Posted By: Crux Australis
Christian Lightbulb Jokes.

---------------------------



Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?



A: None.........they are waiting for it to evolve.
_________________________
.




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#2653347 - 05/30/10 10:05 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Galactic Prime]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10289
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Originally Posted By: Doc. Blake
Originally Posted By: Crux Australis
Christian Lightbulb Jokes.

---------------------------



Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?



A: None.........they are waiting for it to evolve.
rofl

whistle
_________________________
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#2653376 - 05/30/10 10:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Crux Australis]
1oldminer Offline
Permanent Resident

Registered: 08/01/05
Posts: 7932
Loc: Stopping the Juubi's revival
Originally Posted By: Crux Australis
Christian Lightbulb Jokes.

---------------------------

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. OR
A: None. If God wants the lightbulb changed He will do it Himself!

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

Q: How many Anglo-Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They always use candles instead.

Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Evangelicals do not change lightbulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the lightbulb will decide to change itself.

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But they are still in darkness.

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change?????

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the darkness.

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

Q: How many independent baptist's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.

Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one.

Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30?

Q: How many members of the church of Christ does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments.

Q: How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman.!


Some of these are very accurate indeed.




All good ones crux, but what about mormons? I kind of feel left out. smile
_________________________
To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.
To one without faith, no explanation is possible". ~Thomas Aquinas


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#2653449 - 05/30/10 10:54 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: 1oldminer]
Crux Australis Offline
All-Time Great

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 13324
Loc: Rural Coastal Australia
How many LDSs does it take to change a lightbulb?

4
- One to ride a bicycle to the store to buy one.
- One to say opening and closing prayers
- One to change the lightbulb
- One to serve refreshments
_________________________
Stana Katic fanatic.


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#2653506 - 05/30/10 11:35 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Crux Australis]
1oldminer Offline
Permanent Resident

Registered: 08/01/05
Posts: 7932
Loc: Stopping the Juubi's revival
Originally Posted By: Crux Australis
How many LDSs does it take to change a lightbulb?

4
- One to ride a bicycle to the store to buy one.
- One to say opening and closing prayers
- One to change the lightbulb
- One to serve refreshments



giggle

Pretty good Crux! smile
_________________________
To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.
To one without faith, no explanation is possible". ~Thomas Aquinas


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#2653547 - 05/30/10 11:59 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Galactic Prime]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Originally Posted By: Doc. Blake
Originally Posted By: Crux Australis
Christian Lightbulb Jokes.

---------------------------



Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?



A: None.........they are waiting for it to evolve.



How many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?

Click to reveal..
Can't be changed, they are a set 'kind'


Click to reveal..
None, they prefer the dark ages


Click to reveal..
YEC: 3, one to research scripture for light references, one to search for the appropriate 'kind' of bulb, one to explain to the clerk that any variations in bulbs are micro-adaptation, not a fundamental change in bulb technology.

OEC: 2, to search scripture until finding a verse that indicates the Lord God created all light, thus moving from doctrine to evidence, we find that the Lord put the light in the bulb, and the Lord is infallible, thus the darkness is a curse put on us by the Lord, in his might and love. Evolutionists should stop ignoring such evidence, and stop teaching electricity in the schools.

ID: 1, but with the understanding that God Non Specific Intelligent Designer informed and inspired the creation and development of all bulbs, and created fillaments. So there.

Kent Hovind: Did you know that electricity doesn't really exist? Ask an Engineer! First, ask him what makes the light glow, and he'll say electricity. Then ask how much electricity goes into a light bulb, he'll say something like, oh, an amp. Then ask how much electricity comes out of the light bulb? However much electricity they think they measure going into a bulb, the SAME AMOUNT comes out the other side! So the bulb was lit with FREE ENERGY!


Edited by The_Amber_Spyglass (05/30/10 12:00 PM)
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

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#2679847 - 06/14/10 04:15 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
Angantyr Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 04/18/08
Posts: 4000
Good one Matt! thumb And I have never seen a lightbulb evolve. biggrin

More:

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.



Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.



Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.



Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?
A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.



Q: What did the Buddha say when the hot dog vendor asked him if he had change?
A: Change must come from within.


Why YHWH never got a PhD
-----------------------

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.



Taoism
[censored] happens.
Buddhism
If [censored] happens, it's not really [censored].
Islam
If [censored] happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism
[censored] happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism
Why does this [censored] always happen to us?
Hinduism
This [censored] happened before.
Catholicism
[censored] happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna
[censored] happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism
Send more [censored].
Atheism
No [censored].
Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, [censored] happens.
Hedonism
There's nothing like a good [censored] happening.
Christian Science
[censored] happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe [censored] happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this [censored].
Existentialism
What is [censored] anyway?
Stoicism
This [censored] doesn't bother me.



Poor blind Herbie

Poor little Herbie. Since his birth, poor blind Herbie had never seen the light of day. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day would be a very special one. If he prayed extra hard to Jesus, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.

Eagerly, Herbie crouched down on his knees beside his bed and put his hands together. For hours, he prayed and prayed to Jesus.

The next morning Herbie's mother came into his room and gently woke him from his sleep.

"Well Herbie, open your eyes and you'll know that Jesus answered your prayers."

Little Herbie slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I STILL CAN'T SEE!"

"I know, dear," said his mother. "APRIL FOOL!"



Jesus' dad

Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-- you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?

"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

"Tears sprang from Jesus' eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"
_________________________
"Graves open wide and Helheim's doors too. The island's face is one searing fire; all without is a fear to see: Go, while there's time: yield back to your ship."


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#2696261 - 06/23/10 08:54 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Angantyr]
Moonman Offline  

Lurking from the Darkside

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 41531



rofl
_________________________

Sig pic by Death Dealer.

Avy by Galactic_Prime





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#2696636 - 06/24/10 02:14 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: Moonman]
LJV Offline
Hardcore

Registered: 02/19/08
Posts: 2087
_________________________
Click to reveal..
My Top 6
1. Ksenia Solo & Summer Glau
2. Alexandra Daddario & Nina Dobrev
3. Victoria Justice & Molly Quinn
4. Deborah Ann Woll & Kate Mara
5. Julie McNiven & Joanne Kelly
6. Amy Gumenick & Bridget Regan

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#2703818 - 06/28/10 12:30 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: LJV]
Kthulhu Offline
Great Old One

Registered: 05/04/04
Posts: 1543
Loc: R'lyeh
Why do Christians suck at math?


Because they consider 1 and 3 the same.

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