Unlike other candidates in the Republican primaries, John McCain says he believes in the Theory of Evolution. That's because he watched it happen with his own eyes!
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The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America’s third biggest lender.
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A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: ‘What’s the hold-up?’ The policeman replies: ‘The Prime Minister is so depressed he’s stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we’re taking up a collection for him.’ The lobbyist asks: ‘How much have you got so far?’ The officer replies: ‘About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.’
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Q: What is the capital of Iceland?
Click to reveal..
About €10
Q: Why did John McCain take so long to release his medical records?
Click to reveal..
The archaeologists had to find them all first.
Q: Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
Click to reveal..
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.
Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
Click to reveal..
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What’s the definition of optimism?
Click to reveal..
An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.
I went to the ATM this morning and it said “insufficient funds”.
Click to reveal..
Them or me?
Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on.
Click to reveal..
He sold me one outside KFC yesterday.
(NOTE: The big issue is a British current affairs magazine sold by homeless people)
Q: What’s the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?
Click to reveal..
The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW’s.
_________________________ Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.
You might be a Democrat if you want America out of the war in Iraq but don’t have a strategy to get us out.
You might be a Democrat if you oppose Capital punishment and support abortion.
You might be a Democrat if you believe Bill Clinton left office with a budget surplus and Social Security fully funded. You’re definitely a Democrat if you believe there’s any actual cash in the Social Security Trust Fund.
You might be a Democrat it you believe George Bush is dumber than most Democrats.
You might be a Democrat if you think raising taxes improves the economy.
You might be a Democrat if you think raising the minimum wage improves anyone’s living standards.
You might be a Democrat if you think Nancy Pelosi is for the working person when most of her family’s holdings are non-union enterprises.
You might be a Democrat if you believe John Kerry was a war hero, and Bill Clinton didn’t inhale.
You might be a Democrat if you believe Michael Moore doesn’t own any Halliburton stock.
You might be a Democrat if you believe anything Harry Reid says.
You might be a Democrat if you believe congress is dong anything for the children.
You might be a Democrat if you think congress is doing anything for anyone except themselves.
You might be a Democrat if you think the media’s biased in favor of the right.
You might be a Democrat if you think Saddam Hussein didn’t have WMDs in his possession.
You might be a Democrat if you knew Saddam had WMDs and you’re willing to lie about it.
You might be a Democrat if you’re willing to lie about everything.
Democrats can’t be rednecks, they have neither the intelligence nor the integrity.
Trial lawyers are selfless heroes and that doctors are overpaid.
Global temperatures are affected more by a suburban soccer mom driving an SUV than by documented, cyclical variations in the brightness and intensity of the sun.
Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear, chemical and biological weapons in the hands of Saddam Hussein.
Businesses create oppression and government creates prosperity.
Self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it.
There was no art before federal funding.
The NRA is a bad organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is a good organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.
Taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.
Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.
ANY change in the weather is proof of global warming.
National wealth is determine by what we consume, not by what we produce.
The only wars in which America should become involved are those in which our national security is not at risk.
Perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican president commits them but a harmless, private matter if a Democrat president commits them.
America can have a strong military without spending money on it.
The way to improve public school is to give more money and power to the very people who have misused that power and money to destroy the public schools.
Hunters and fishermen do not care about the environment but pasty-faced activists that rarely venture out-of-doors do.
A bureaucrat living in Washington, D.C. can make better decisions about how to spend the money that you earn than you can.
Being a movie or television star qualifies you to speak out on public policy.
Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminine independence even though she has never accomplished anything worthwhile without riding on the coattails of her husband.
A handful of religious whackos living in rural Texas are more of a threat to public safety than Islamic terrorists who wish to plant bombs in major American cities.
Passing new laws are a much better way to curb crime than enforcing the existing ones.
Tax cuts are for people who don't actually pay income taxes.
50 Things You Can Do To Annoy The Politically Correct
1) For your next house party, make a big pot of Endangered Species Stew.
2) Wear a Confederate Flag pin on your lapel.
3) Give out candy cigarettes on Halloween.
4) Give out REAL cigarettes on Halloween.
5) Keep a framed photo of Oliver North on your desk at work.
6) Call a bum a bum.
7) Wear Nike gym shoes.
8) Launch a petition drive to carve Ronald Reagan's visage into Mt. Rushmore.
9) Litter....
10) ...on Earth Day.
11) Advocate a nuclear first strike against Canada...
12) As justification, offer the fact that Canada has Socialized Medicine.
13) Drink Coors Beer.
14) Consume Conspicuously.
15) Tell this joke: "Tom Daschle, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore are in a life raft, but there are only enough provisions for one. Who gets saved? Answer: The country.
16) Cross a picket line.
17) Throw a party to celebrate the execution of a notorious murderer.
18) When they flip the switch, lead the crowd in a chorus of: "na-na-na-na, hey-hey."
19) Spurn recycling.
20) Wear a Washington Redskins jersey....
21) .........accessorized by your Cleveland Indians baseball cap.
22) Buy a gun...
23) ...as a present for your 10 year old...
24) ...to celebrate his Junior NRA Membership.
25) Drain a wetland.
26) Drive a gas guzzling SUV....
27) .....with a "Pave the Rainforests" bumper sticker.
28) Smoke...
29) ...a big, smelly cigar...
30) ...in the no smoking section....
31) ....on the day of The Great American Smokeout.
32) Express profound admiration for Richard Nixon.
33) Wear fur.
34) Eat meat - especially veal.
35) Say that while you believe it should be matter of personal choice, you are "personally opposed" to vegetarianism.
36) Attend boxing matches.
37) Refer to an adult woman as a "girl."
38) Take every possible tax deduction....and then some.
39) Contribute money to the Jessie Helms Senatorial Campaign.
40) Suggest that the poor are undertaxed.
41) Recommend deportation to Cuba as a solution to "The Homeless Problem."
42) Say you were just kidding. Then recommend work camps instead.
43) Hunt.
44) Watch Fox News.
45) Harm animals in the making of your movie.
46) Harm liberal actors in the making of your movie.
47) Listen to Dr. Laura.
48) When Janet Reno's name is mentioned say: "Janet is sure a funny name for a guy."
49) Drill for oil in your back yard.
50) Give away Ann Coulter's new book, "Slander," to friends as Christmas presents.
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