Shout Box
Recent Picture Posts
Nicky Hilton on her Way to the Gym in the Noho Area in New York April 17-2015 x19
by Felek000
41 minutes 34 seconds ago
Lea Michele @ Live with Regis & Kelly | June 15 2010 | ReUp
by Terrier
Today at 02:46 AM
Amber Heard - "When I Live My Life Over Again" Premiere during the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival 4/18/15
by Dashxo
Today at 02:16 AM
Alyssa Milano & Reese Witherspoon: 'Fear' Caps - HQ x 3
by Netstar
Today at 01:47 AM
Taylor Swift - Arriving at her apartment in NYC 4/18/15
by Dashxo
Today at 01:04 AM
Emma Roberts - On Set of "Nerve" 4/15/15
by RICKY80
Today at 12:28 AM
Christina Milian - parties at Libertine Night Club in London 4/18/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 09:01 PM
Christina Hendricks - out in Los Angeles 4/17/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 09:00 PM
Carmen Electra - at Hooray Henrys in Los Angeles 4/15/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 09:00 PM
Lily Allen - out in a Lace-Up Dress & Calvin Klein Underwear in Loa Angeles 4/15/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 08:59 PM
Lily Allen - outside Fred Segal in Los Angeles 4/16/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 08:58 PM
Constance Jablonski - attends VANITY FAIR Party To Celebrate the Tribeca Film Festival at State Supreme Court House in New York 4/14/2015
by charles123
Yesterday at 08:58 PM
Show More
Today's Birthdays
buyidaho (50), Cypress (27), islandpear04 (29), Sta1ker (27), TonyMontana (44), WhatSilenceSaid (27), willyburns (44), xaviersteele (35), _Tomo_ (23)
Who's Online
82 registered (Candramelekh, Cyb0rfreak, cram, chimaera06, Duff Diver, CyrusG, Bipolar Bear, A55VA6, DaddyD, dq2525, ddavenport, DeMoN-FCDM, arcardia, Alfisti, amomo, 21 invisible), 783 Guests and 9 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Roberb, tommtaam, SportyModels, stevenmckeown82, jspatt
204796 Registered Users
Page 5 of 16 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 16 >
Topic Options
#2149152 - 08/27/09 07:48 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: 1oldminer]
Crux Australis Offline  

Legend

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 15910
Loc: Rural Coastal Australia
Quote:
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Oh so painfully true. Blame the Devil and demons for everything.

I was a pentecostal for 17 years.
_________________________
Stana Katic fanatic.


Top
#2149276 - 08/27/09 08:27 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10427
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Originally Posted By: matt75


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: Four. The pope who makes the decision to change the light bulb. A Cardinal who hands down the pope's directive to the local bishop. The local bishop who orders the priest or pastoral assistant to change the bulb.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way , long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Greek Orthodox: The whole congregation. The priest changes the light bulb. Then all faithful celebrate with red wine, ouzo, gyros, souvlaki, baklava, etc. to turn it into an ancient tradition of the annual light creating feast day.

Amish: I ask thee, "What is a light bulb " ?


Boy! the joke's not on me. He he! I feel excluded.
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of October 11th, 2014)

*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Jessica Gomes --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*

* Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Selena Gomez --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Vanessa Hudgens *

*-- Lily Collins --*-- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Ana Ivanovic --*-- Jamie Chung --*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Non-human Mention: Dr. Liara T'soni

Top
#2149893 - 08/27/09 11:57 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
bubblebliss Offline
Hardcore

Registered: 05/05/09
Posts: 3009
Loc: Lexington, KY
There are 3 known facts about religion:

1) Evangelicals don't recognize the Pope as the head of the Church

2) Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God

3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the Liquor Store
_________________________
"Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win" - England striker Gary Linekar

Deutschland 2010!!

Top
#2150078 - 08/28/09 02:51 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
lol, sorry WesMordine didn't mean to make you feel left out there. I found that on a website and there wasn't a JW one but a quick look on google has revealed these:

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- None. There is no point trying to change anything now. God will be replacing the whole house real soon, but nobody knows quite when.
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.
- 2. 1 to change the bulb and 1 to convince you that 3 way bulbs originated from pagan polytheism.
- Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2150374 - 08/28/09 09:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10427
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Thanks! Now we are officially considered Christian.

Ha ha!
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of October 11th, 2014)

*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Jessica Gomes --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*

* Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Selena Gomez --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Vanessa Hudgens *

*-- Lily Collins --*-- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Ana Ivanovic --*-- Jamie Chung --*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Non-human Mention: Dr. Liara T'soni

Top
#2150385 - 08/28/09 09:37 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
English Offline
Mythical Figure

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 25094
Originally Posted By: matt75

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.

I lol'd

Top
#2150396 - 08/28/09 10:06 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Who ever said you weren't? (aside from that person who thinks that there is no such thing as a true Christian aside from himself). As far as I am concerned anybody who follows Jesus is a Christian... I hadn't realised it was supposed to be more complicated than that.

P.S. Going by above, there seem to be huge benefits to being Greek Orthodox!


Edited by matt75 (08/28/09 10:25 AM)
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2150987 - 08/28/09 03:42 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10427
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Some people say we aren't. I guess to them it is more complicated.

But lets keep the thread about humor, shall we? =)
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of October 11th, 2014)

*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Jessica Gomes --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*

* Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Selena Gomez --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Vanessa Hudgens *

*-- Lily Collins --*-- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Ana Ivanovic --*-- Jamie Chung --*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Non-human Mention: Dr. Liara T'soni

Top
#2334794 - 11/26/09 06:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Just reviving a long dead thread







Edited by matt75 (11/27/09 03:21 PM)
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2343566 - 12/02/09 11:42 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
Page 5 of 16 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 16 >



Check out Polls on LockerDome
Advertisement