Shout Box
Recent Picture Posts
Minka Kelly Shaking Her Booty - 6/30/16 Instagram Video
by PieMan
07/01/16 03:54 AM
Jessica Alba Dancing in Barely Famous S02 E01 Career Goals
by PieMan
07/01/16 03:20 AM
BAILEE MADISON at El Captain Theatre in Hollywood 06/29/16
by RICKY80
07/01/16 02:30 AM
Padma Lakshmi - Out in NYC 6/30/16
by RICKY80
07/01/16 01:18 AM
Ivanka Trump - New York City June 30th 2016.
by aussiejohn
07/01/16 12:58 AM
Lia Marie Johnson - attends the screening of "Emma's Chance" 6/30/16
by RICKY80
07/01/16 12:36 AM
Kendall Jenner - Out in NYC 6/30/16
by Dashxo
06/30/16 11:45 PM
Elizabeth Gillies - Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll S02E02 -
by MrBurns742
06/30/16 11:38 PM
Sabrina Carpenter - at LAX. 6/30/16
by RICKY80
06/30/16 11:18 PM
Genie Bouchard - 2nd round match at Wimbledon - 06/30/2016
by AndrewDiceClay
06/30/16 11:11 PM
Daphne Joy - Black One-piece Swimsuit On Yatch Near Central America (6/30/16)
by MaxGroove
06/30/16 10:45 PM
Emily Osment - Busty Preview Pic for Young & Hungry S4E6
by RICKY80
06/30/16 09:52 PM
Show More
Today's Birthdays
adryan (31), lovingtash (26), SkrtChsr (2016), Sweet Daddy (40), Zyeox (36)
Who's Online
63 registered (Death1369, ciolek666, Bipolar Bear, brucetheloon, ekvador, ChellSpecker, antichrist, BlueDiamond, crucifer, 1oldminer, Blacky195, Fisheater, dizzywiggle, colonel, capz888, blade_99, Coren, 14 invisible), 789 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Klireo, kevinkong, Thecelebguide, kingkubrick, kellysuperfan101
208545 Registered Users
Page 5 of 16 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 16 >
Topic Options
#2149152 - 08/27/09 07:48 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: 1oldminer]
Crux Australis Offline  


Mythical Figure

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 32502
Loc: Rural Coastal Australia
Quote:
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Oh so painfully true. Blame the Devil and demons for everything.

I was a pentecostal for 17 years.
_________________________
Stana Katic fanatic. Also fan of Melissa Benoist and Margot Robbie.

Farewell Katherine Beckett frown


Top
#2149276 - 08/27/09 08:27 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10712
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Originally Posted By: matt75


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: Four. The pope who makes the decision to change the light bulb. A Cardinal who hands down the pope's directive to the local bishop. The local bishop who orders the priest or pastoral assistant to change the bulb.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way , long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Greek Orthodox: The whole congregation. The priest changes the light bulb. Then all faithful celebrate with red wine, ouzo, gyros, souvlaki, baklava, etc. to turn it into an ancient tradition of the annual light creating feast day.

Amish: I ask thee, "What is a light bulb " ?


Boy! the joke's not on me. He he! I feel excluded.
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of June 2nd, 2016)

*- Selena Gomez --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Jessica Gomes -*

*-- Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Seolhyun --*

*--- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Lily Collins --*-- Daisy Ridley --*-- Chloe Bennett ---*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Character/Personality Mention: Liara T'soni

Top
#2149893 - 08/27/09 11:57 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
bubblebliss Offline
Hardcore

Registered: 05/05/09
Posts: 3009
Loc: Lexington, KY
There are 3 known facts about religion:

1) Evangelicals don't recognize the Pope as the head of the Church

2) Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God

3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the Liquor Store
_________________________
"Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win" - England striker Gary Linekar

Deutschland 2010!!

Top
#2150078 - 08/28/09 02:51 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
lol, sorry WesMordine didn't mean to make you feel left out there. I found that on a website and there wasn't a JW one but a quick look on google has revealed these:

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- None. There is no point trying to change anything now. God will be replacing the whole house real soon, but nobody knows quite when.
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.
- 2. 1 to change the bulb and 1 to convince you that 3 way bulbs originated from pagan polytheism.
- Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2150374 - 08/28/09 09:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10712
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Thanks! Now we are officially considered Christian.

Ha ha!
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of June 2nd, 2016)

*- Selena Gomez --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Jessica Gomes -*

*-- Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Seolhyun --*

*--- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Lily Collins --*-- Daisy Ridley --*-- Chloe Bennett ---*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Character/Personality Mention: Liara T'soni

Top
#2150385 - 08/28/09 09:37 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
English Offline
Mythical Figure

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 25121
Originally Posted By: matt75

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.

I lol'd

Top
#2150396 - 08/28/09 10:06 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Who ever said you weren't? (aside from that person who thinks that there is no such thing as a true Christian aside from himself). As far as I am concerned anybody who follows Jesus is a Christian... I hadn't realised it was supposed to be more complicated than that.

P.S. Going by above, there seem to be huge benefits to being Greek Orthodox!


Edited by matt75 (08/28/09 10:25 AM)
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2150987 - 08/28/09 03:42 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
Icon

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10712
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Some people say we aren't. I guess to them it is more complicated.

But lets keep the thread about humor, shall we? =)
_________________________
Crushingly Beautiful (tm) Ladies - (as of June 2nd, 2016)

*- Selena Gomez --*-- Scarlett Johansson --*-- Victoria Justice --*-- Jessica Gomes -*

*-- Rinko Kikuchi --*-- Fernanda Prada --*-- Adriana Lima --*-- Seolhyun --*

*--- Laurelle Baduria --*-- Lily Collins --*-- Daisy Ridley --*-- Chloe Bennett ---*

All-Time Gaming Crush: Kasumi (Dead or Alive 5)
Honorable Character/Personality Mention: Liara T'soni

Top
#2334794 - 11/26/09 06:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Just reviving a long dead thread







Edited by matt75 (11/27/09 03:21 PM)
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
#2343566 - 12/02/09 11:42 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
_________________________
Signed in to remove the link to a dead forum.

Read my fiction writer's blog. Book reviews, discussion and advice for writers.

-------------------
Thanks to Serafia for the avatar!

Top
Page 5 of 16 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 16 >



Check out Polls on LockerDome
Advertisement