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#2149152 - 08/27/09 07:48 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: 1oldminer]
Crux Australis Offline  

Legend

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 19764
Loc: Rural Coastal Australia
Quote:
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Oh so painfully true. Blame the Devil and demons for everything.

I was a pentecostal for 17 years.
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#2149276 - 08/27/09 08:27 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
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Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10501
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Originally Posted By: matt75


How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: Four. The pope who makes the decision to change the light bulb. A Cardinal who hands down the pope's directive to the local bishop. The local bishop who orders the priest or pastoral assistant to change the bulb.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way , long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Greek Orthodox: The whole congregation. The priest changes the light bulb. Then all faithful celebrate with red wine, ouzo, gyros, souvlaki, baklava, etc. to turn it into an ancient tradition of the annual light creating feast day.

Amish: I ask thee, "What is a light bulb " ?


Boy! the joke's not on me. He he! I feel excluded.
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#2149893 - 08/27/09 11:57 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
bubblebliss Offline
Hardcore

Registered: 05/05/09
Posts: 3009
Loc: Lexington, KY
There are 3 known facts about religion:

1) Evangelicals don't recognize the Pope as the head of the Church

2) Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God

3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the Liquor Store
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#2150078 - 08/28/09 02:51 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
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Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
lol, sorry WesMordine didn't mean to make you feel left out there. I found that on a website and there wasn't a JW one but a quick look on google has revealed these:

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- None. There is no point trying to change anything now. God will be replacing the whole house real soon, but nobody knows quite when.
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.
- 2. 1 to change the bulb and 1 to convince you that 3 way bulbs originated from pagan polytheism.
- Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!
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#2150374 - 08/28/09 09:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
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Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10501
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Thanks! Now we are officially considered Christian.

Ha ha!
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#2150385 - 08/28/09 09:37 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
English Offline
Mythical Figure

Registered: 01/17/06
Posts: 25107
Originally Posted By: matt75

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Don't know - I didn't let them in to find out.

I lol'd

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#2150396 - 08/28/09 10:06 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Who ever said you weren't? (aside from that person who thinks that there is no such thing as a true Christian aside from himself). As far as I am concerned anybody who follows Jesus is a Christian... I hadn't realised it was supposed to be more complicated than that.

P.S. Going by above, there seem to be huge benefits to being Greek Orthodox!


Edited by matt75 (08/28/09 10:25 AM)
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#2150987 - 08/28/09 03:42 PM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
WesMordine Offline
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Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 10501
Loc: In a country with no army =)
Some people say we aren't. I guess to them it is more complicated.

But lets keep the thread about humor, shall we? =)
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#2334794 - 11/26/09 06:16 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: WesMordine]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
Just reviving a long dead thread







Edited by matt75 (11/27/09 03:21 PM)
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#2343566 - 12/02/09 11:42 AM Re: Religious (?) joke [Re: The_Amber_Spyglass]
The_Amber_Spyglass Offline
Monitor Tanned

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 5890
Loc: Jordan College, Lyra's Oxford
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